This is the birth story of my 3rd child. My first was born via c-sec, and my second was a hospital vbac. I learned about unassisted birth through Laura Shanely and Laurie Morgan's sites, and joined a yahoo support group.
I had an uneventful unassisted pregnancy, i.e. no prenatals.
Here is the birth story I wrote 4 days after the birth
ולאחר שנתיים - ''פשוט_ללדת''_סיפור_לידתה_של_מאיו
Monday, October 20th was going to be my 42nd week pregnant.
I started fretting about it a few days before; having had no prelabor signs what so ever. My baby hadn't dropped, and was moving all over the place, I was not looking very big and didn't really feel
like I was about to pop. I had energy to spare and felt this could go on forever.
My mom arrived from Israel on October 1st for three and a half weeks. Her visit was about to end... and I wanted her there for the days that FOLLOWED the birth to help do, well, everything.
Juey... well my poor husband was so strung up he seemed much closer to bursting than me. He kept calling me every hour to find out how my 'tummy' was and kept asking me when the baby will be born.
We had some heated arguments where I complained about how unhelpful he was being, and he complained about the pressure he was getting at his office. (Hey, he came home 'early' three weeks in a row).
I hated going out to take Taiyo (5) to the bus or play outside with Koyo (3) because everyone that saw me got THAT look in their eye and asked mada? (Not yet?).
GRRRRRRRR, this was not easy for me.
I had stayed near home since my mom arrived, just in case, but nothing happened.
So, on Sunday, the 19th I told Juey: 'We are going out!' It was a beautiful autumn day so we decided to head off to Kodomono Kuni, a great big park about an hour away.
The kids had a great time running, climbing up the jungle gyms, eating ice-cream and feeding the animals. We did a lot of walking and by the time we got home we were all exhausted.
We had Nabe for supper (a hot pot filled with veggies and fish) and were ready to go to sleep at 9:00pm.
9:15pm my water broke. I giggled and went to the toilet. The kids came running behind to find out what happened. I told them my water broke and we will have a baby soon. They started jumping up and down shouting 'Yata, Yata' (yippee).
They went to tell Granny. Juey immediately took charge of the vacuum cleaner and
started cleaning. My mom helped him set a HUGE plastic sheet (regisheet) on the
tatami in the living room and they set some pillows and futons for me to lean
Taiyo asked Juey how he could help and Juey told him to just clean up any dirt
he found. So Taiyo and Koyo set off to find every tiny bit of dust they could
pick up, show me, then throw away. Our spirits were very high and we got some
'before' pictures taken.
I kept leaking more and more water. It came in gushes and I kept needing to change my
undies and pants. It kept us all very amused.
Anyhow, about half an hour or so after the water broke, I decided I should try
and get some sleep. No sooner did I put my head down, contractions started. They
started kind of mild but soon grew into quite intense ones I couldn't sleep
through. Juey and my mom kept me company until about 11:00 and then they went to
From this point my memory is not very clear. I believe I fell asleep between each contraction. Moreover, I feel like I departed from the
rational function of my mind and went into instinct mode.
I can't remember making any conscious decisions, just following my inner
powers. I wasn't thinking HOW to labor, I just did. I have no idea how long
contractions lasted or how far apart. I remember leaning on the cushions,
'hanging' from a wooden bar in the living room, going in the bath, taking a
shower, standing on all fours etc. I remember being in a lot of pain and making
a lot of low deep noises. At some stage I remember noticing I was losing my plug.
I can't remember how the time passed, but at 6:00am when Juey woke up I was
so happy to have him with me, I wouldn't let go of him after that. I started leaning on him
hanging down his neck (poor thing, I am heavy!) during contractions while he
pressed on my back. Later I leaned on the cushions, lay in bed and sat on the
toilet - always with Juey's hands pressing on my back. I was very particular
about the location, the amount of pressure, and the part of his hands I wanted
used. Otherwise I couldn't say a thing. Just those deep groans...
The kids woke up around 7:30. Koyo wanted to nurse so I lay next to her while
Juey lay behind me and I had about 2 or 3 contractions this way. At this point I
tried to snap out of my primal mode and pay attention to the kids. I told them
that mommy has a lot of pain but this is good for bringing out the baby. I tried
smiling during one of the nursing contractions when I caught Koyo's worried look
by the noises I was producing. But I don't think she 'bought' the smile
Taiyo was very distressed by the situation. We asked him if Granny could take
him to the Yochien (kindergarten) bus as I needed Daddy, but he refused to go
with my mom.
(I would have kept him home but they had immo (sweet potato) picking that day,
which he had so much looked forward to and he didn't want to miss.)
I 'let' Juey go and had one contraction without him. (My mom came to sit next to
me but she wasn't what I needed).
Taiyo left in a bad mood but asked me before he left for a brother.
Juey came back and we were back at it..
At some stage I got Juey to change the water in the bath.
My mom made me RRL tea.
I suddenly got hungry. There was very little to eat in the house but I took a
few spoon fills of yogurt and sucked up a mikan (klementine).
Juey asked my mom to go to the convenient store to try get some bananas and
My mom left and I went into the bath. This must have been around 8:15-30. Koyo
wanted to go in with me but I told her there was going to be blood. She opted to
take a shower instead. I remember the scene of me laboring in pain with Juey
sitting by me pressing my back and Koyo singing away next to us, without a worry
in her mind.
My mom came back empty handed so I knew I had to wait till 10 for the stores to
open.. It was never to happen!
Koyo went and joined Granny for some fun play. Every now and then she came in to
check if the 'blood had come' yet...
In the bath I apparently was in transition, though I didn't realize it at the
time. After a while I suddenly realized I was pushing. I told this to Juey. He
looked in my eyes (and this I will NEVER forget) and said 'I don't want to lose
you or the baby, especially you. If you feel in anyway there is a problem, let
Some blood came out with
the first push and here is where I could KILL Juey. He decided to CHANGE the
water and pulled the plug. As the water started going down my belly I felt this
enormous pressure and I shouted STOP!!!. He immediately put the plug back in and
added water and soon I was covered again.
I remember feeling so strange that I had to push. I checked my self and found what felt like complete hollow inside, with something hard at
My contractions were still very painful and this surprised me because I remember
with Koyo that pushing gave me a sense of relief, not pain. Every contraction
started with the pain and then this intense need to push. I was kneeling and as I pushed, my bottom would move forward.
Soon after I felt the Ring of Fire! It was very painful and once again
surprising as I didn't expect to feel it so soon. I put my hand on my perineum
and felt my self S T R E T C H. Another push and there was a plop. I felt
something between my legs but couldn't quite work it out. I asked Juey to tell me what
he thought this was. He put down his hands and shouted 'it's a head!!!' I
touched again and could feel it rotate. Another painful push where I had to bear
down, and out came the body.
Now, Juey and I are not quite decided on who brought the baby up. He claims it
was him where as I KNOW it was me, but I let him tell everyone he did it..LOL
All I remember is the shock of seeing a BABY. I know this sounds strange, but I
feel I was so disconnected from my brain that I kind of forgot what this all was
about and seeing the baby brought on a Major sense of astonishment.
It was 9:35, October 20th.
Koyo opened the door of the bath at that moment and my mom stood behind her with
a big smile on her face and tears running down her cheeks. She kept saying 'you
have a baby, you have a baby'.
I held the baby face down to let the fluids drain (guess my brain kicked into
action) and the I heard the cry. It wasn't a wimp but a scream. I turned the
baby around and felt between the legs...
I looked up and said with surprise 'It's a boy!' (but of course, I did 'know' it all along
I think I stayed in the bath about 5-10 minutes and then went out to the futon.
Juey had placed pads for me to deliver the placenta on to.
Juey phoned his dad and then my mom phoned my dad.
I was bleeding slightly the whole time but never felt weak. After about an hour I pushed
out the placenta. Juey moved it into a bowel WITH HIS BARE HANDS, and didn't
We cut the cord 6 hours later, tying it with a shoe string.
I checked and found I did not tear. Yippee!!
Juey fetched Taiyo from Yochien at 12:30. Taiyo came running into the room and
was and still is at awe over the baby. Need I say he is delighted to get a
brother?! Koyo had a difficult day or two adjusting to the new nursling rival, but is back to her old jolly self. The
baby is hers and could not possibly be kissed enough.
Today my baby is 4 days old. He is still nameless, is about to lose the umbilical stump, is absolutely divine and has only been touched in love.
We named our son Yosui.
Yo– meaning warm (the same kanji as in Taiyo)
sui – meaning water
His name signifies his birth in water, and he joins his brother Taiyo (sunshine) and sister Koyo (red autumn leaf) as a child of nature.
my god !
this is amazing and you are incredibly brave!
What an inspiring birth,
Thank you very much for sharing your story
It is exactly the kind of story I needed to read.
I would be happy if you could write about what you did before the birth - meaning how you prepared yourself for this wonderful event.
Thank you and Shana Tova!
Thanks for your feedbacks. I'm glad you could make it through the English and length. I posted my story once before on an Israeli forum, but got 0 replies
, so I was worried I'd find the same response here. Glad to have been proven wrong
Ora, thanks for your lovely words. But you call me brave, and I have to disagree. I think if you saw birth the way I do, you'd feel that entering a hospital or even employing a midwife takes far more courage (since I believe that the presense of the medical stuff is the cause for most problems), then trusting nature to do its job. So brave - no
, trust in self definitly
Vivian, i am glad my story has been inspiring to you. I too found inspiration in unassisted birth stories, which helped pave the way to my choice. I spent about a year before my pregnancy learning the subject of UC (unassisted child birth), through the variouse uc websites and groups. When I got pregnant there was no doubt in my mind what kind of birth I'd have
During my pregnancy I acknowledged my fears and worked through them, surrounded myself and seeked advice from supportive people only, and spent MANY MANY hours listening to my body
. I didn't preform any medical tests or measurments, including no weighing (though I did check my blood pressure when ever I went to the bank
My biggest obstacle was my husband. He was filled with fears, but refused to work through them. He kept waiting for ME to change my mind. That obviously didn't happen
We could hardly talk about the birth without getting in to a fight, so we basically tried to stay clear of the subject
As mentioned, I seeked support else whee - and got it, so I knew I was ready for the birth. But my husband really surprised me when I went into labor; He put all his fears aside and was there for me 100%. When I asked him later why he didn't push for me to go to the hospital etc. he said he never felt the need. He saw me riding the waves of labor, and never sensed I needed any help
O.K. that was more than you asked for
Feel free though to ask me more
בלידה השניה שלי רציתי לעבור את ההיריון בשלווה בלי ללכת לבדיקות אצל מיילדת, אבל המשפחה לחצו וגם התחיל הדימום אז רציתי לדעת מה קורה... גם אם ההיריון היה 'משעמם' בלי כלום, אולי כן הייתי הולכת בגלל הלחצים של המשפחה. הם טענו שאני מזניחה. וגם כן, יש את המחשבה שאם היה חס וחלילה משהו מסתבך כן היה טוב שיש את המיילדת שתעזור. אם נוחתים סתם ככה בבית החולים יש להם נטיה לעשות קיסרי מייד, תלוי על איזה משמרת נופלים. בררר!
Sara, positive thinking, O.K?!!!
I actually had to register with a hospital here, since there are no E.R.s as such in Japan. But because I didn't want any tests done (being over weight, with a previouse c-sec I knew I'd be labeled in no time) I chose a big medical hospital. When I came to interveiw them, they immidietly stuck a cup in my hand and lined me up for a US. Well I said 'no thank you' so was rushed to the head Dr. for a talk. He tried to convince me to set up a date for a repeat (c-sec) as I was 35 weeks along, and he claimed that despite/because of my vbac, I was at greater risk of a rapture
. I asked him: 'should I come here in labor would you accept me?' to which he replied 'yes, but you will be sectioned!'. As strange as this might sound, that was exactualy what I needed to hear!
I figured that if I ended up in a hospital, it better be because my baby was unable to come out naturally. With that threat, I was also determined not to transfer UNLESS..., so all in all, I was happy with my options
Thank you very much.
in this case more is better.
וואו, איזה סיפור מרתק!
וגם ההשלמות שבאו אחרי זה - רוצה עוד! עוד! עוד!
המון תודה על השיתוף!
עכשיו, אחרי שערכתי ת'דף והוספתי לו סימנים (לידת בית וכו') פתאום נפל האסימון שזו לידת בית בלי שום צוות רפואי אחרי קיסרי
long, long time! What an amazing birth - I read it in Beofen a few months ago and am still in awe.
How are you?
I am amazed by your story! Where did find the faith to not do any prenatal testing? I really enjoy reading what you write (including the page טבעי_ביפן
) - I hope you continue to find the time to share your life with us.
Thanks jo-ly for reading it
Giving up prenatals was as easy for me as giving birth
I realized that as soon as I get prenatals done, I am submitting myself to numbers and charts (of what -nornmal- is, and that I'll be labled as...high risk (over weight with a previouse c-sec). Well, I need no labeling. I know my body was designed to grow a baby in me just as it is designed to birth.
Although I say I had no prenatals, I actually think I did. But not the medical ones that look at numbers but rather I taught myself to tune in and listen to my body and baby. I also made sure to eat what FELT right for me, surrounded my self with supportive people and thoughts, and prepared my surroundings for our specail occassion. This, I believe, is what enabled me to then go a head and have a blissful birth.
Furthermore, I trusted that should there be a problem, my body would find a way to communicate it to me. I actually feared the standard prenatals since I believe we stop listening and trusting our body and start looking outwards for the answers - which can very easily be mistaken by the 'professionals' and their machines. I figured also that if I could keep intune through out my pregnancy, when it came to birth my body and I will have the shared trust to listen and HEAR each other
Besides not trusting the prenatals, I think they can also be harmful. With my first son, I was under a lot of stress when ever the results weren't 'good enough'. I lost a lot of heart beats and oxygen with my worries, which couldn't have been very healthy for my baby.
The way I look at prenatals is: Our body is doing a job which might not be good enough, so we need to montor it. If it is indeed 'failing' we must help it externaly. Right? Well, just as everyone here realizes that giving birth is natural and best done when left alone, so is pregnancy in my eyes. Perhaps it is because I had grown 2 babies in me that I realized my body knew what it was doing
, even without me getting any extra conformation. And all the evidence I needed
was right there - with my growing belly, my kicking baby and my great inner feeling!
By nature a am not the worrying type. I am very relaxed and trusting. So for me it is easier to just LET GO rather than try to CONTROL.
Having an unassisted birth is inbodied in trusting the body. If you can't trust your body to grow your baby without monitoring, how can you trust it to birth freely?
Wrote this in a different place, but feel it belongs here as well
My road (in brief) to my unassisted birth:
I believe it all started at MY birth, where my dad caught me, since my mom was left by the stuff to go get lunch.
My mom always told me my birth story with so much happiness and love (with my father adding extra spice), that I arrived at birth with no fear (of pain, of drs, of ANYTHING) and alot of excitment.
Unfortunately, my first birth (a planned hospital one) never got a chance to take me to the place my mom had prepared me for, as I started bleeding at 37 weeks and had an emergency c-sec.
With my second pregnancy, my focus was on 'getting my vbac'. I labeled my self (with the graceous help of every one around me) high risk, so although a birthing center did cross my mind, I opted for another hospital birth arming my self with loads of information and assertiveness (much needed since my dr had very little faith in me).
When I got my vbac, I thought I had reached the peak!
It was a very relaxed birth where I was basically left on my own with little interruption and few interventions. Despite it taking 35 hours, the pushing stage lasted only 20 minutes and was very empowering!
After this birth, I fell in love with birth and started looking at it as a possible future occupation (midwife/dula). I started reading books (just before internet age) and also subscribed to the magazine Midwifery Today. In one of the issues, I came across a movie recommendation. The name of the movie was 'A clear road to birth'. I had no idea what the movie was about but decided to check it out and followed the link in the magazine to Laura Shanely's website (just started using internet).
I will never forget that night! I spent about 3 hours reading Laura's site, including all the birth stories, and just knew - THIS IS FOR ME! It made perfect sense to me and I felt like I finally arrived at my truth
I contacted Laura to order the movie and find out more information, and she directed me to a yahoo group of unassisted birth.
I spent the next year on that list, absorbing faith, unlearning fears (which admittingly, I didn't have many to begin with), and letting go of every 'truth' I held on to until that point in my life.
When I got pregnant the following year, I had very little to no doubt about how I was going to birth - at home, unassisted! I made no plans for my pregnancy either and ended up having a complete unassisted pregnancy as well.
I did face opposition, especially from my husband, and it wasn't until I actually went into labor that he became supportive (and did an amazing job at it!!), but it never shook my confidence or my determination.
As for my mom, well, as I mentioned at the begining, she was the one to plant the seed of love for birth in me, so it was very natural for me to phone her the day I discovered Unassisted Birth, and share with her all my enthusiasm. She, in a typical manner, was happy just to hear the excitment in my voice, but also agreed with my sentiments. After I showed her the movie 'A clear road to birth' she got absorbed in its simple truth, conveying the message to many of her friends..
I invited her here for my unassisted birth (more for my husband than for anything else) and she proved to be my biggest supporter especially as I went into labor only after 42 weeks and my husband was totally cracking up..
I am not decided on whether I want her here for the comming birth or right after (my husband prefers the former, I the latter) but since I don't really have a due date I'll let fate decide
This has turned very long, but I just wanted to add one more thing about - control.
For ME, giving birth is all about letting go of any sort of control and just giving in, in every sense, to my body.
This is one reason I want no attendants, no professionals around me, no one who might take something from me at birth. I want no one telling me, suggesting, commenting. I just want to be left alone so I can leave my body alone, so it can do its 'job' the best way it knows.
Something else I'm importing from a different place..
I spent a year before getting pregnant on an unassisted birth list absorbing knowledge and wisdom. But those were secondary to the greatest gift I got there: trust in my own body and in my own wisdom.
You see, everywhere else (including here) there is this belief that someone else poses the true knowledge of birth, (be it the Dr, or the midwife) and people turn to these figures for answers.. On the UC list, where no woman is concidered more knowledgable than another - except on her own body, I learnet that we truelly birth from with in, and all the knowledge needed for the 'act' is right there with us.
I do not agree that us UCers need more knowledge than other birthers (quite the contrary really, if you are going to rely on someone else, you'd better make 100% sure you know everything so that their decisions do not endanger you).
Giving birth alone, I could just surrender to my body trusting it to signal me and trusting my self to listen to it, should a problem arise.
All the knowledge you need for birth is right there in your bones, imbedded by thousands of years your great grandmothers have birthed.
Like you, I am the type of person who'd try and be nice to a midwife, try and behave in a way she would regard as 'good', 'wise', 'strong' and many other titles that go with my image of a 'good' birther (I would probably also frett about how my house was looking, my kids behaving, my body appeared, and many other things). Further more, a midwife's presence would also affect the way my husband and I would communicate, behave, touch etc.
Concentrating outwards would remove me from my self.
Another point, along those same lines, is the comments made by a professional.
My mom, a very dear and close person to me, with one remark of hers managed to upset me. She said at some satge that she felt my contractions were really good. To me, although this might sound as supportive and encouraging, this sounded judgmental, as in she was giving me a score. I wanted no numbers, grades, assesments or the like. I didn't want to be looked at, I wanted to be left alone so I could leave my body alone to do what it was designed to. I am sure that had there been a professional with me, I'd be SEEKING these assesments, where as they would NEED them in order to know how well I was doing.
This is getting very long (sorry) but I just wanted to add that I believe that everyone present in the birthing space influences the birth. It can be a positive or a negative influence but I don't think the birthing woman needs anyone's influence..
For this reason I do not see in midwives experts on birth. By their actual presence in birth they are changing it and therefore do not know what true unhindered birth really is.
הכוונה היא לבדיקות במשך ההריון.
מאנטי, את יכולה להרחיב בנושא?
קראתי את סיפור הלידה ואת כל הדף שלך בהתרגשות רבה.
מעצים ומעורר מחשבות.
<לא שיש משהו בתנור, אבל את יודעת...>
hi manty, i just saw you wrote me way up.
i agree with your observation that the issue here is trust in oneself and one's wisdom
still think you are brave...
most women who give birth in a hospital do not realize the dangers
and do not know there are other options.
i rarely see an automatic choice as brave.
i have never given birth but i know trusting always requires a degree of courage.
אוף כל כך רוצה לקרוא אבל לא יכולה להתמודד עם האנגלית...
נחשפתי למושג "unassisted birth" בשבוע שבעלי היה בנסיעת עסקים בסין.
גיליתי את האתר של לורה שיינלי וביליתי שם שעות בקריאת המאמרים וסיפורי הלידה השונים. הזמנתי דרכה את הסרט "A clear road to birth" שהגיע ביום חזרתו של בעלי ליפן. ברגע כניסתו לבית, הושבתי אותו מול הוידאו (עוד לפני שהספקתי לשתף אותו בעולם החדש שנחשפתי לו), הנחתי מולו מספר אוניגירים (כדורי אורז) והפעלתי את הוידאו.
תוך שהוא בולס את האורז, מופיעה לפניו אישה הריונית עירומה, בעמידת שש, ולאחר מספר גניחות, המצלמה מתמקדת על מפשעתה, והיא יולדת תינוקת קטנטנה אל תוך ידיה.
רגע קסום מרגישה אני, עיני דומעות מהתרגשות.
אני מפנה מבטי אל בעלי ומגלה פרצוף ירוק ושניה מאוחר יותר הוא הולך ומקיא את האוניגירי
חודשיים מאוחר יותר אני מגלה שאני בהריון וכך מתחיל האי-שיח שלנו על לידה בבית ללא מיילדת:
במשך 9 חודשים מלאים
אני מנסה להעלות את הנושא בפניו וביטנו מתהפכת. הוא לחלוטין מתנגד. הוא מוכן להתפשר על לידה עם מיילדת, אך ללדת לבד מפחיד אותו.
הגענו למצב שבכל פעם שהנושא עלה, התחלנו לריב, ולכן שנינו נמנענו מלדבר על זה.
נקודת אי הסכמה נוספת בינינו (מה זה נוספת? לא זכור לי משהו משותף מאותה תקופה) היא ההריון. אני לא רוצה לעבור שום בדיקה או מעקב בזמן ההריון והוא רוצה "לפחות בדיקת דם".
ככל שהחודשים מתקדמים, כך הנושא נהיה בוער ומתוח יותר.
שתי נקודות זמן חשובות:
- בשבוע 22 בערך, מיילדת חברה נפגשת עם שנינו. מעבירה לו מסר חשוב שיתנגן לו כל הזמן בראש: "כל אישה, זכותה להגשים את לידת חלומותיה".
- בשבוע 39 אימי מגיעה מהארץ ומהווה תמיכה נפלאה לשנינו לחוד; תומכת ב 100% ברצוני ללדת לבד ומביעה את אמונתה המלאה בי. נותנת לבעלי את האוזן הקשבת לה הוא זקוק להביע את פחדיו ודאגותיו - ללא שיפוטיות וללא מענה
בעלי חיכה עד יום הלידה ש"אתאפס על עצמי ואלד עם מיילדת", ואני חיכיתי עד יום הלידה לקבלת תמיכתו.
הסכמתי לביקור יחיד בבית חולים מקומי כדי להרשם בו שמא אצטרך להתפנות (כי ביפן בית חולים לא מקבל יולדת אלא אם כן היא רשומה בו). כמובן שבית החולים דרש שאעבור בדיקות שתן, דם, אולטראסאונד וכדומה, וכמובן שאני התנגדתי, ובסוף זומנתי לשיחה עם ראש המחלקה, בה הוא גיחך להחלטתי ללדת בבית (עם עבר קיסרי) וניסה לשכנע אותי כמה מצבי מסוכן, ובו אני עמדתי על דעתי ורציתי לדעת מה יקרה אם אופיע בזמן לידה. הוא "הבטיח" לי שמיד אנותח, ואני יצאתי מרוצה, כי ידעתי שהסיבה היחידה שאגיע לבית החולים תהיה אם התינוק לא יוכל להולד דרכי בכוחות עצמו..
רצה הגורל (?) ונשאתי את הריוני 42 שבועות, מה שהעלה בימים האחרונים את הרמת המתח והתיסכול בבית. יום לפני הלידה היה לנו ריב ענק שלאחריו אני לקחתי את הילדים לבאזר מקומי, והוא נשאר בבית עם אימי והוצי את כל תסכוליו (עלי, עליה, ועל העולם). לאחר מכן, אימי הצטרפה אלי והלכנו לבית קפה, בעוד הוא הגיע לקחת את הילדים לספריה, ואני הבעתי את כל תסכולי בפניה. הלכנו לישון לגמרי סחוטים מהריב ולמחרת יצאנו לטיול מקסים באויר הצח. לא דיברנו בכלל על הלידה, והרגשנו חדורי מחשבות חיוביות וטובות. באותו הערב, הופיעו להם סוף סוף הצירים, והופיע לו סוף סוף הבעל התומך והמאמין לו חיכיתי משך כל ההריון. הוא לרגע לא פיקפק ביכולתי, לא שאל אם כדאי להתפנות לבית החולים, והיה שם איתי ברגע הקסום של לידת בננו.
על כל תשעת חודשי הדאגה (שלו) והתיסכול (שלי) הלידה פיצתה ו -בגדול-!!!! הזוגיות שלנו רשמה רגע שיא שהותיר את שנינו מחוזקים ומאמינים אחד בשני.
רוצה להוסיף, במאמר מוסגר (מעיניו ) שהתנגדותו דווקא עזרה לבטחוני. ככל שהוא התנגד, כך אני התעמקתי בנושא והרגשתי שלמה עם החלטתי. אני חושבת שהוא השמיע באוזני את פחדי שלי, וע"י התמודדות איתו, התמודדתי עם הפחדים שלי. לעומת זאת, בלידה של מאיו, בה הוא היה שותף מלא להחלטתי לעבור הריון נטול מעקב ולידה עצמית, הרגשתי כאילו יש על כתפי הרבה יותר אחריות... מוזר, נכון?
לא יכולה להגיד מה נכון לזוג אחר. לי היה מאד חשוב ללדת בדרכי, ובדיעבד בעלי לגמרי הבין ותמך בכך.
אילו הייתי נכנעת לו, אני מאמינה שהייתי סוחבת עימי הרבה כעס ותיסכול.. עבורי - כל לידה חשובה. להגיד "בלידה הבאה" יכול להיות שווה ל "אף פעם" כי you never know לאן החיים יקחו אותי וכרגע זה מה שנחשב.
אני חושבת שבבית חולים עושים הרבה בזמן לידה. בעלי כנראה הרגיש שעליו לעשות משהו מיוחד, להיות לי מיילד, בכדי להיות איתי. הוא לא הבין שהלידה תתרחש מעצמה ולו ישאר התפקיד הנכסף של להיות עד למופע המדהים בעולם.
מבחינה זו, הרבה פעמים בא לי להיות דולה, ולו רק בכדי לחוות בעצמי את הרגע - מבחוץ! אך זה סותר את אמונתי שיולדת יולדת הכי טוב בעצמה, עם עצמה, ולכן אני מעדיפה להשאיר לה את הרגע הזה.
המושג של מישל אורדנט "גניבת אוקסיטוצין" מדבר אלי, כי לדעתי נוכחות המלווים עדיפה למלווים מאשר ליולדת...
אני ממש שמחה שקראתי את זה.
יש לי הרבה לשאול, אבל כשיבוא הזמן.
תודה על התוספת. אני מרגישה מועצמת מדברייך.
ובטח גם לי יהיו שאלות כשזה יהיה רלוונטי
מוזר, נכון? בכלל לא.
הודעה ממשתתפת חדשה התקבלה בברכה:
וואאווווו... איזה מרגש לקרוא אותך. הזדהתי עם המון רגעים... תודה על השיתוף