היוצר סיפור באנגלית

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הרחב תצוגה צפיה מקדימה של הנושא: היוצר סיפור באנגלית

היוצר סיפור באנגלית

על ידי בשמת_א* » 06 יוני 2011, 23:02

I can’t believe I let him do that!
דווקא נכון.

_I tried moving them like Flamor did, but they did not answer.
אולי עדיף להוסיף בסוף המשפט: to me_
לאו דווקא, באנגלית זו טעות (בעברית צריך היה להוסיף).

היוצר סיפור באנגלית

על ידי טרניס_אמנו* » 06 יוני 2011, 19:29

Teranis Amno (עם הדגשים על שני ה-a-ים). אין פירוש. אלו שני שמות דמיוניים וחסרי משמעות (באופן מודע לפחות,) לחלוטין.
תוקן.
לא ראיתי את העובדה שהאלמנט הוא רוח ולא אוויר בתור עובדה חשובה שיש להזכיר מראש. הסיבה העקרית שעשיתי את זה היא כי תמיד בסיפורים כאלה נראה לי לא הגיוני שהם מסוגלים לנשום בלי אוויר. זה משנה מתי העובדה הזאת צצה?

היוצר סיפור באנגלית

על ידי דגנית_ב* » 06 יוני 2011, 18:46

I can’t believe I let him do that!
אני חושבת שצ"ל
I can't believe I have/I've let him do that!
as he helped stand up צ"ל
as he helped me stand up
“I though so tooצ"ל
I thought so too

I said back אולי עדיף I answered
I tried moving them like Flamor did, but they did not answer.
אולי עדיף להוסיף בסוף המשפט: to me

הי,
הגעתי בנתיים עד השורה הנ"ל. העלילה מרתקת.
  1. אני מציעה לחלק את הסיפור לפיסקאות, (אפילו לפרקים) ולמספר אותן באופן זמני. זה מאד יקל על הקריאה ועל ההגהה.
  2. כאשר נלחמים על האלמנט השני - האויר - סוג האלמנט מתברר רק אחרי שהם מפסידים. כדי אולי לתאר אותו ולתת את שמו קודם לכן, אלא אם כן זה חלק מכוון בסיפור.
אפשר לדעת מה פירוש הניק שלך ואיך מבטאים אותו?

אשמח להמשיך אבל זה יקרה בעוד מספר ימים
חג שבועות מבורך {@

היוצר סיפור באנגלית

על ידי טרניס_אמנו* » 06 יוני 2011, 16:21

למכור דרך אייבוקס ואמאזון וכו' זה כנראה מה שאעשה בעתיד, אבל קודם אני צריך ספר. מה שיש לי בינתיים זה רק אוסף של סיפורים קצרים וספרים לא גמורים. (אני מתכנן לפתור את זה בעזרת %D7%94%D7%9B%D7%AA%D7%99%D7%91%D7%94[/u]%D7%94%D7%9C%D7%90%D7%95%D7%9E%D7%99]חודש הכתיבה הלאומי.)
בינתיים לא יזיק למכירות באמאזון אם אתפרסם קצת. P-:

התחושה שלי היתה שכסיפור קצר הוא יוצר יותר רושם של אלגוריה מפני שהוא מתמקד בעלילה, עתירת הסמליות. הוא כאילו מאוד דחוס, הכל מתרחש בצורה מאוד דרמטית תוך זמן מאוד קצר. כאילו הייתי רוצה עוד אורך נשימה לסיפור להתפתח, שלא יקפוץ כל כך מהר דרך האקשן עד הסיום.
תודה על חוות הדעת. זה סוג הדברים שאני מוצא שהכי קשה להשיג.
Duly noted.
לא חשבתי על העובדה שהוא עשה דברים שונה הפעם, אבל אני מניח שבגלל שהמשמיד מת אז כבר לא צריך את ההגנות שעשה פעם קודמת. אולי כדאי לי להזכיר את זה איפשהו בסיפור...

היוצר סיפור באנגלית

על ידי ח_אלפשה* » 05 יוני 2011, 16:57

אני מכירה הוצאה לאור (בצפון אמריקה) שמתמחה במגזינים של סיפורי פנטזיה וכו. אני יודעת שהם מחפשים סיפורים קצרים בתחום. התשלום סמלי, אבל זה בניית רקורד של "פרסום"...

למה להסתפק בתשלום סמלי?
מי שטוב, ויודע לקלוע לטעם של בני הנוער האמריקאים (פנטזיה וכו'), יכול להרוויח הרבה כסף באתרים שמוכרים ספרים אלקטרוניים.
בת 26 מרוויחה 2 מליון דולר ממכירת ספרים באמאזון

יש בלוגים של סופרים שמלמדים איך לפרסם באתרים כאלו ולהרוויח מכך.

היוצר סיפור באנגלית

על ידי בשמת_א* » 05 יוני 2011, 15:51

טוב, חשבתי על הסיפור שלך הרבה (מה אני לא אעשה כדי לא לבדוק עבודות סיום של תלמידותי... אפילו שהן ממש מעניינות ומוצלחות השנה |יש|).

אז ככה:
  1. אני רוצה לציין שזו ממש כמות אפסית של תיקוני הגהה. התפעלתי מאיכות הכתיבה שלך באנגלית. יש לך תחושה אמיתית לשפה, גם אם בולט שבעיקר לאמריקאית ולא לבריטית P-:
  1. אני ספצית בהגהה. אתה מכיר (והכרת) עוד כמה אנשים בעלי התכונה הזאת.
  1. יש משהו שמסתובב לי בראש, אז אני אכתוב אותו. אבל לפני כן הסתייגות, שאני לא הולכת להביע איזו דעה חד משמעית ובטוחה שיש לי. יש לי רק תחושה. אהבתי את הסיפור, אבל התחושה שלי היתה שכסיפור קצר הוא יוצר יותר רושם של אלגוריה מפני שהוא מתמקד בעלילה, עתירת הסמליות. הוא כאילו מאוד דחוס, הכל מתרחש בצורה מאוד דרמטית תוך זמן מאוד קצר. כאילו הייתי רוצה עוד אורך נשימה לסיפור להתפתח, שלא יקפוץ כל כך מהר דרך האקשן עד הסיום.
  1. באגדה שמוצגת בפתיחת הסיפור "היוצר" מפקיד את היסודות בידי שומרים. כלומר, היו בני אדם (או יישויות אינטליגנטיות אחרות?) בזמן הזה. אבל בסיום, נוצר כאילו עולם מסוג אחר, שקופץ ישירות לעידן הדינוזאורים - והפעם לא מונהגים נהלים כאלה (אולי מפני שלא צפויה יותר יישות שתאיים על העולם, אי פעם?). יש פה איזה חוסר עקביות שלקח לי זמן לקלוט אותו.

היוצר סיפור באנגלית

על ידי טרניס_אמנו* » 03 יוני 2011, 21:18

חשבתי על לעשות אתר עם הסיפורים שלי, אבל בסוף החלטתי לא בגלל כל מיני סיבות, ביניהן העובדה שאם אני מפרסם סיפור באינטרנט בצורה שכולם יכולים לראות אותו אז יש פחות סיכוי שיסכימו להוציא אותו לאור.
יכול להיות שבקרוב אשים פה סיפור בעברית שידידה שלי ואני כתבנו. אני צריך קודם לוודא שהיא מסכימה.
ניסיתי בעבר לתרגם, אבל זו עבודה מתישה שאין לי סבלנות אליה.
המטרה העקרית של הסיפור הייתה להתאמן באנגלית, ולבחון איך אני מסתדר עם השפה.

היוצר סיפור באנגלית

על ידי בשמת_א* » 03 יוני 2011, 20:35

הוא כתב את הסיפור באנגלית ורוצה חוות דעת על הסיפור כפי שהוא.
הוא פרסם אותו כאן כי פה יש סיכוי למצוא קוראי אנגלית P-:

(אתר משלך? עם הסיפורים שלך? בעברית ובאנגלית? מה דעתך?)

היוצר סיפור באנגלית

על ידי ריש_גלית* » 03 יוני 2011, 15:46

מישהי/ו אולי הכותב/ת עצמה/ו, בבקשה תרגמו לנו.
הכותב כתב את סיפורו באנגלית, מי שרוצה לקרוא יצטרך להתאמץ... נקווה שבקרוב ישתף אותנו בעוד דברים מפרי מקלדתו, ואולי אפילו בעברית (-:.

היוצר סיפור באנגלית

על ידי שולמית* » 03 יוני 2011, 14:56

מישהי/ו אולי הכותב/ת עצמה/ו, בבקשה תרגמו לנו.
בצהוב:נוכחותך חשובה לי מדעתך
לא מסכימה עם הצהוב, המשפט מדויק לי למחצה בערך.

היוצר סיפור באנגלית

על ידי בשמת_א* » 02 יוני 2011, 23:59

_אבל אני חושב שזה צריך להיות:
The rest of the priests and I
לא?_
כן, אבל פה יש חופש לסופר. כלומר, "תקני" יותר לכתוב כך. אבל אם זה מתאים ונכון יותר לסיפור, אז אפשר גם להקדים את האני המספר לשאר. אם לא רוצים להכניס שם שום משמעות מיוחדת, אז התיקון האחרון שלך נכון יותר באנגלית.

היוצר סיפור באנגלית

על ידי טרניס_אמנו* » 02 יוני 2011, 23:15

אשמח לשמוע עוד על ההוצאה. שלחתי לך אימייל. (-:
בהחלט טוב שבשמת פה. תמיד יש שגיאות שחומקות ממני בדברים שאני כותב...
תקנתי הכל, חוץ מדבר אחד שתקנתי קצת אחרת.
I and the rest of the priests
זה לא היה נכון איך שעשיתי קודם, אבל אני חושב שזה צריך להיות:
The rest of the priests and I
לא?

היוצר סיפור באנגלית

על ידי ריש_גלית* » 02 יוני 2011, 21:39

אתה רואה, מזל שבשמת פה. אני לא התייחסתי בכלל לתיקונים באנגלית. גדול עלי (-: (אבל בעברית אני די טובה. מחכה לסיפור בעברית!).

היוצר סיפור באנגלית

על ידי שחף_אהובי* » 02 יוני 2011, 21:30

אני מכירה הוצאה לאור (בצפון אמריקה) שמתמחה במגזינים של סיפורי פנטזיה וכו. אני יודעת שהם מחפשים סיפורים קצרים בתחום. התשלום סמלי, אבל זה בניית רקורד של "פרסום"...
אם אתה מעוניין בפרטים, תשלח לי אי-מייל (בדף הבית).

היוצר סיפור באנגלית

על ידי בשמת_א* » 02 יוני 2011, 20:15

אופס, לא יודעת למה משהו יצא לי הפוך.

I decided
מקווה שלא כתבת אחרת (במקום שהיתה i קטנה).

אוף, יצא כמו שיר. טוב, מקווה שתצליח לפענח את ההגהה ואם לא, תסתכל במצב עריכה.

היוצר סיפור באנגלית

על ידי בשמת_א* » 02 יוני 2011, 20:12

Me and the rest of the priests
I and the rest of the priests
אם הוא כהן מכובד. אבל אם אתה רוצה לאפיין אותו כדובר סלנג/שפה נמוכה, זה בסדר.

I don’t know who’s the other guardians
I don't know who ARE the other...

came to help us already
come

Your going back
You're going back

That him?”
That's him?

Me an Rose used our magic to dig too
Rose and I

better at digging then me
better at digging than me

hitting the cages walls
the cage's walls

והערה כללית על כל הסיפור: וואו. יופי.

היוצר סיפור באנגלית

על ידי טרניס_אמנו* » 02 יוני 2011, 17:07

תקנתי. (-:

היוצר סיפור באנגלית

על ידי בשמת_א* » 02 יוני 2011, 12:21

not excepting
התכוונת:
not expecting?
שהיא לא ציפתה לתשובות?

The woman - which told
WHO told me
(כי היא אדם ולא חפץ או יצור. אם woman אז who. אם creature אז which)

(יפה בעיני המשחק עם התיאוריות השונות של בריאת העולם, שלנו, תורות היסודות השונות... (-: )
(הסגנון מזכיר כמובן את הספרים שאתה קורא. וגם העלילה (-: )

i decided
I decided תמיד באות גדולה, ובוודאי בתחילת משפט)

imaged of places
images, אני מניחה.

טוב, הגעתי לטרוי. מאוד מעניין ומושך לקרוא עד כה. חייבת ללכת לאודיציה כלשהי (כידוע לך (-: ).
אמשיך כשאחזור.

היוצר סיפור באנגלית

על ידי ריש_גלית* » 02 יוני 2011, 10:36

איזה יופי שפרסמת את הסיפור פה!!! גם אני מחכה לתגובות @}.

היוצר סיפור באנגלית

על ידי א_ל_א_ן* » 02 יוני 2011, 10:30

התחלתי לקרא ונשאבתי לתוך החדר מייד. אמשיך אחר כך.

היוצר סיפור באנגלית

על ידי טרניס_אמנו* » 02 יוני 2011, 09:07

זהו סיפור פנטזיה שכתבתי באנגלית.
אשמח לכל תגובה, ביקורת (חיובית, שלילית, בונה או שלא), תיקון, דעה, הצעה, בקשה, רעיון, מחשבה, הכרזה, או קשקושים חסרי פשר.
The Creator
I woke up in a dark room. The only light came from a candle on the desk.
I sat up, and the room started spinning. Why am I here? I searched my mind for answers, but couldn’t remember anything.
There were footsteps outside, and then the door opened. Someone entered and the door slammed shut behind him.
“I see you woke up,” said a feminine voice. “You should get more rest. You were seriously hurt.”
She gave me something to drink, and then pushed me back to the bed. I fell asleep instantly.
In the next few days she took care of me. She tried to ask me my name once, but I couldn’t remember, so I didn’t answer her.
After that she started talking to me, not expecting any answer in return. She told me about the village we are in - a small fishing village called Cumbalam - and the surrounding fields. She told me about the villagers and her job as the village healer, and when she ran out of things to tell, she started telling me old legends.
The woman - who told me her name was Rose - said: “This is the story of the world’s creation. To this day people still believe in it, and there are whole organizations of priests which pray for The Creator.
In the beginning of time there was chaos and emptiness. It was called The Depths. It was a dark and horrible place, until The Creator came. He created The Four Elements - Fire, Water, Air and Earth - and with them created the world, and trapped The Depths inside it. The Creator put each element in a crystal, and gave each a protector. Before he left he gave the first humans a warning, a blessing, and a promise. ‘One day my enemy - The Destroyer - will try to break the crystals and free the depths to swallow the earth. You have to stop him from destroying The Five Elements. For that I bless you with my powers to control them, and use them to stop him. When the day in which you need my aid will come, I will help you.’ Those were his words before he went to make other worlds.”
“Five elements?” I asked weakly. “But you said there are only four!”
“No one knows what he meant by that. The greatest philosophers and magicians still argue about it.” She got to her feet and opened the window. A chilly winter breeze followed the morning sun into the house. “I think you can walk now. It’ll be healthy for you.”
She helped me get off the bed and to the door. “I can walk by myself,” I decided.
“Suit yourself.”
We walked around town. As we walked by people greeted Rose and even me, though I had never seen them before in my life. They asked if I was feeling all right, and if Rose needs any help taking care of me.
“The people here are nice,” I said when we got to a small frozen river outside the town.
“They are, aren’t they?” Said Rose as she started scooping snow into her jug to boil into water. Though it only began to snow yesterday there was already a deep coat of snow.
From the town came a man dressed with white robes. He wore bracelets with rubies on his forearms.
“Good morning Rose,” said the man.
“Good morning to you too Flamor.” She turned to me. “This is Flamor the high priest. He found you near this river and brought you to me.”
I shook his hand. “Thanks for helping me.”
“My pleasure,” said Flamor. “And what is your name?”
I was going to say I don’t remember, But my mouth moved by itself “My name is Crea.”
Rose looked pleased, as if she knew that coming here will awaken my memory.
“Crea,” Repeated Flamor. “What a curious name. How did you get here Crea?”
Memories flashed through me as he said my name. Smells, voices, images of places I have seen. A creature of darkness rushes towards me. Its fangs hit my face, and it laughs as I fall to the ground.
“I remember a monster,” I say at last.
“A monster hmm? The only monster I know of is Larth the day after he drank a whole barrel of beer!” said Flamor, bursting into a hearty laugh. Rose covered her smile with her hand.
I couldn’t help but join Flamor’s laugh, and as I laughed all thoughts of the monster escaped my mind. After Flamor finished his morning prayer Rose told me to go with him while she does some of her other duties as a healer. Flamor took me to the Monastery. He showed me the many books written about the legend of The Creator, and the great paintings the monastery had.
“What’s in this room?” I asked as we passed for the third time a room which we did not enter yet.
“That room is out of bounds. Only high priests are allowed to go there. But let’s go to the training hall instead.”
The training hall was the largest room in the church. It contained many torches and pools of water. There were also rocks scattered all over the floor.
Many priests trained in this room. I watched as one of them threw a rock as big as me into the air, and then punched it. The rock broke into pieces in a puff of dust.
Another priest held his hands before him as if begging, and then a ball made of fire appeared in his hand. He threw the ball at another priest who raised a wave of water to defend himself, but suddenly the ball changed direction straight to me.
Flamor threw a fireball of his own and the two of them hit each other in a dazzling explosion.
“I think you have control over fire like me. Because of your lack of training you called the ball of fire to you.” A second later the wave of water hit me. I fell to the ground soaked and cold. “Larth!” Roared Flamor.
“It wasn’t me!” Said Larth, who was the priest who used water to defend himself.
“You’ll have to excuse Larth. He has a tendency to get drunk,” said Flamor as he helped me get up. “I think we have some spare priest robes you can wear until your clothes get dry.”
After I put on the robes Flamor took me to the nave. “This time of the year we pray that the winter will leave us unharmed and that next year will bring us prosperity and happiness.”
The nave was filled with priests. Flamor took his place with the other high priests and they started praying.
I sat down and listened to their prayers. Suddenly a chill ran through my spine. I looked at the door. It was open. In the entrance stood the monster.
It reminded me a bit of a panther, only it was thinner, and had two scorpion tails on its back.
The room turned dark. I called to the priests for help, but they couldn’t hear me because of their praying. Fear took control over me as I jumped under my seat for cover.
The monster ignored the priests and me. It half ran half jumped towards the out-of-bounds door.
Without knowing how or why, I got out of my hiding to stop it. “No!” I said with a commanding tone. The monster saw me then, but instead of attacking me as I thought it would, it was scared. It scanned the room until it found the exit, and then gave a huge leap outside.
The lights came back and I noticed the priests stopped praying. Flamor held me as if afraid I will fall. “Are you okay? You passed out.”
I nodded and he took me back to Rose.
In the next few days I kept seeing the monster. I did not go outside anymore. I felt safe inside Rose’s house.
One day Flamor came running, and as Rose greeted him he said: “There’s no time. I found another guy at the river. Come quickly!”
Rose ran after Flamor, and I followed. Could this man have come from the same place I had?
At the frozen river Rose sat down by the man. He had a big cut on his hand. Rose cleaned the cut and covered it with bandages. “You should feel better now,” she said. “My name is Rose. Can you remember yours?”
The man sat up. “Yeah, though I can’t remember anything else. My name’s Troy.”
Rose checked him for any other wounds, and when she didn’t find any she decided he should go to the monastery with Flamor. “You should go too,” she said to me.
Curiosity defeated my caution and I came too.
When we got to the out-of-bounds room Troy stopped and started sniffing the air. “What’s in here?” he asked.
“That room is out of bounds. Only high priests are allowed to go there.”
“Right. Got it,” said Troy and we continued our tour. The whole time he kept looking at me, and I kept looking at him.
After the tour the priests went to pray and left me with Troy.
“So what’s your name?” he asked me.
“I’m Crea. I came here like you, and I too can’t remember a thing.”
“Hmm...” Troy walked past the priests and to the out-of-bounds door.
I followed him. “You can’t go there! It’s for high priests only.”
Troy just smiled and punched the door. It didn’t budge.
I put my hand on his shoulder. “Leave it.”
Troy slapped me with his hand, only it became a paw. I fell to the ground from the power of the blow. He scratched the door with his paws while two tails grew out of his back. Each of them had a spike in the end, and with it he attacked me.
I rolled out of the way of the first tail, and caught the second one with my hands. Troy finished changing his form. He was now the monster I saw before.
“My real name is The Des-Troy-er!” He said with a laugh. Then with a final scratch the door broke into pieces. He struggled free of my hold and turned towards me. His claw raised in the air to hit me...
And then a ball of fire hit him in the face. The Destroyer roared and jumped inside the out-of-bounds room.
Flamor helped me up as the rest of the priests ran after him. “Go back to Rose. What’s happening here is priest business.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” I said.
“Alright. So try not to get in my way.”
Inside the room there was a pool of water. Flamor Dived inside and I followed. We got out in a big well lit room, Though I could not notice the source of the light.
The ground was littered with bodies of priests. In the end of the room a stone made of liquid water was floating mid-air. The Destroyer kicked a priest out of his way and jumped to the stone.
“No!” Both Flamor and I said as we threw a fire-ball at the monster.
The Destroyer blocked the balls with his tails and then bit the water stone.
The room started spinning, and when it stopped we were in the village again, and The Destroyer was gone.
Flamor punched the ground angrily. “He broke an element! I can’t believe I let him do that!”
Somehow I wasn’t surprised the Creator legend was true. “So what happens now?”
“The water in the world disappear. We have about a day before we die of thirst.”
“And what about the other elements?”
“You’re right. We can’t allow him to destroy them too. Follow me.”
I followed. “How come the elements are hidden in a small village like that?”
“I don’t know. The Creator might have thought that no one would look here. By the way I thought you didn’t know how to control fire.”
“I didn’t. I don’t know how I threw that fire-ball. And I probably won’t be able to use that again, as I’m not trained at it.”
“I’ll train you.”
And so when we finally reached the frozen river, Flamor already finished telling me the basics of fire magic. “The rest will come with practice, which unfortunately we don’t have time for.”
The whole lake was gone, and so was the snow. Instead there was a little hurricane, - about the size of a human, - just where the lake have been.
Flamor walked into the hurricane. He stood in it for a few moments, and then the hurricane lifted him off the ground and threw him in the air. He flew higher and higher, through a cloud, and then I could not see him anymore.
I mustered my courage and walked into the hurricane.
At first nothing happened. Then I felt as if the ground itself shook as my legs left the ground. I stood on the air, a foot above the ground. Then two feet, then three... And then I was thrown. The world swirled as I got further and further from the ground. Ten feet, twenty feet, fifty, a hundred...
And suddenly I was lying on the ground. It was soft and white like wool. Then realization struck me, I am on a cloud!
“Let’s go.” Said Flamor as he helped me stand up.
“Shouldn’t the clouds have disappeared, since they’re made out of water?”
“I thought so too,” said Flamor, “but it seems those clouds are special.”
As we walked the clouds moved to form a path for us. I fixed my gaze ahead, too afraid to look down.
“Weren’t there supposed to be some guardians for the elements?” I asked.
“Yeah. The rest of the priests and I were the guardians of the water element. I don’t know who are the other elements’ guardians.” Flamor suddenly stopped. “Something is not right here.”
The clouds ahead of us were all black. I touched one. It turned white.
“The Destroyer is here,” I said.
“How do you know?”
I had no answer. I just knew.
After some more walking we came upon a house made of clouds. The door was open.
Inside waited The Destroyer. “Here you are Crea. Now the question is where’s the guardian.” Something about him was different. In the end of his tails there was a ball, and his mouth was dripping acid.
“He absorbs the elements he destroys!” said Flamor. “The water element gave him acid. I bet those balls are filled with it.”
The balls opened and spat acid all over the room. the clouds turned dark and moved away, showing a small hurricane in the shape of a stone.
Then a huge eagle burst from the clouds and attacked The Destroyer. The eagle’s beak was about my size, and he pecked The Destroyer with it. The Destroyer evaded the attack and spat acid with his tail on the eagle, but it didn’t hurt him. The eagle flew up and the wind threw away The Destroyer, and then he turned towards us.
“Uh oh...” said Flamor.
The eagle screeched and dived at us. Flamor threw a useless fire-ball at him and then jumped from the cloud. He made an explosion of fire and used it to fly to another cloud.
That gave me an idea... I made an explosion of my own and flew above the eagle, landing on its head.
I heard the eagle’s voice inside my head. “We have to stop The Destroyer.”
“Fine, but leave Flamor alone,” I answered.
The eagle did as I asked and flew towards The Destroyer which was running on the black clouds on his way to the element.
The Destroyer saw us coming and jumped on the eagle’s head too. I made a sword out of fire and attacked him.
He tried to shoot his acid at me, but i got to his tail before the ball opened, and cut it horizontally. The acid splattered all over him and he gave a cry of pain.
I made an attempt on his other tail, but he jumped above me and off the eagle.
Flamor who was still flying with his fire threw a fire-ball at The Destroyer, but he easily slashed it with his claws.
He was falling towards the element. “I can’t reach him in time.” Said the eagle in my mind.
“I’ll get him.” I said. I jumped off the eagle’s back, and he made a gust of wind with his wings to make me move faster.
I dived with my fiery sword in front of me at The Destroyer, but he reached the element before me.
He swallowed the element, and then laughed. “You couldn’t stop me. Three more elements to go.”
And then we were back near the river.
“He got another element,” I said sadly. “Now he has gotten even stronger. There’s no way we can stop him.”
“Don’t give up hope yet. The Creator will come to aid us as he promised,” said Flamor.
“He isn’t real! If he was then he would’ve helped us already!”
Flamor shook his head. “Just believe child.”
I stared at him angrily for a few moments. Can’t he see how stupid it is to wait for some legend to come and save you?
And then I saw it. He isn’t waiting to be saved. He’s trying to save the world by himself.
“Alright,” I said at last.
Flamor smiled and we started walking. “The next element is fire. We need to stop him now or we’ll both be powerless.”
A thought came to me. “Wait. If there’s no air, how can we breath?”
“That’s a common mistake. The element he destroyed is not the air element, but the wind element. There’s no wind, which basically means once we breath all the air here no fresh air will be able to come.”
“Oh.”
We got back to the monastery, where Flamor took a torch. He threw the torch on the ground, and a door made of the torch’s fire formed.
We entered the door and reached hell.
The ground itself was on fire. Everywhere I looked there was fire. We were inside a circle of flames that seemed to slowly close on us.
Flamor pointed at the circle and it opened a path for us. At the end of the path was a stone made of fire. The fire element.
I started running towards it, but then the flames moved to block my way. I tried moving them like Flamor did, but they did not answer.
And then the flames hissed.
The flames that blocked my way lifted their head and opened two burning eyes. Their tail flickered and their tongue flicked in my direction.
The guardian is a fire snake.
“We’re here to protect the element.” I said. The snake looked at me thoughtfully, and then let me pass.
Then The Destroyer came from the air and spat acid on the snake, vaporizing it.
He had two bat-like wings on his back, which he used to fly back to the air, and then to the element.
But Flamor was already there. He took a ruby out of his bracelet, and tucked the fire element in its place.
And suddenly he was on fire. No, he was of fire. His whole flesh burned and became flames.
He held his hand out towards The Destroyer, and fire-balls started flowing out of his hand in a dazzling speed.
The Destroyer flew above three fire-balls, and spat acid on five others, but two managed to hit him. He lost his balance and fell to the ground.
We are going to beat him! I joined with a fire-ball of my own.
The Destroyer looked at me, suddenly remembering I am here too. He jumped behind me, putting me between Flamor and him.
Flamor stopped shooting. “Move! I can’t shoot him without hitting you!”
I started running to the side, but The Destroyer jumped to my back and held me with his paws. I tried shooting fire at him, but he spat acid on my hand and the fire was put out.
I clenched my teeth against the pain and desperately tried getting out of his hold. I felt my hand reaching magically to something, and then a pillar of stone raised out of the ground and struck The Destroyer, which weakened his hold just enough for me to struggle free.
I rolled to the side and Flamor renewed his attack. The Destroyer teared the pillar out of the ground, and threw it at Flamor. He destroyed it with an explosion, but it gave The Destroyer the time he needed. He jumped at Flamor and tore his hand off, swallowing it.
Flamor cry of pain echoed as the world turned dark.
I opened my eyes to find us back in the monastery. Flamor lay hand-less and unconscious on the ground, inside a pool of blood.
I barely noticed it was night now, even though when we went to the fire element it was only noon. I cried for help and ran to help him. I had no idea what to do. I should probably put something to stop the bleeding, but how can I know it won’t make it worse?
Luckily Rose passed by and came to my aid. She put some bandages on the wound and we carried him to her house.
“He’ll be okay,” she said after checking his wounds more closely. “Though he’ll never get his hand back, and he’s too weak to do anything for the next couple of weeks. How did it happen?”
I was going to answer, but then Flamor woke up. “Crea...” He said weakly.
“I’m here,” I said and held his other hand.
“It’s hopeless. He destroyed the fire element. We’re powerless now.”
“You can’t give up hope now!”
“The Creator has abandoned us.”
“He’ll come,” I said. “And I can still fight The Destroyer.”
“How?”
I went out of the house, and returned with a small rock. I held it in my palm. The ball drifted out of my hand and into the air.
Flamor’s eyes widened. “How can it be? Your element is fire! It’s impossible to control more than one element.”
“Don’t give up yet,” I said again. “Where’s the next element?”
Flamor nodded to Rose. “Come. I’ll show you,” she said.
As we walked I asked her. “So you knew the legend was real all along?”
“Yeah. I can actually use magic too, - earth magic, - though I’m far weaker at it then Flamor is at fire.”
We reached a dry fountain in the middle of the village. Rose waved her hand and it moved, uncovering a secret door in the ground. She reached towards the door.
“No, no, no. You’re not coming,” I said.
“Why not?”
“Because it’s dangerous! You said yourself you’re not as strong as Flamor, and look what happened to him!”
“That didn’t stop you, and it isn’t going to stop me. Besides, you need all the help you can get.”
She was right, but I wasn’t going to let her come. I opened my mouth to argue, but she already jumped inside the door. I jumped after her.
We stood on top of a mountain. There were other mountains here, and on top of one of them stood The Destroyer. He was burning now, which gave him a nightmarish look.
“You’re going back, now.” As I talked the door behind me broke into pieces.
“I guess I’m staying here,” Said Rose with a smile. She pointed to The Destroyer. “That’s him?”
I nodded.
“And where’s the element?”
“I don’t know.”
“Then let’s follow him. He can lead us to it.”
So we followed The Destroyer from a distance, hiding behind rocks whenever he turned to look at us.
After three hours of walking in circles without finding anything he got a new idea. He spat acid on the ground, and started digging. maybe the element is in the ground?
Rose and I used our magic to dig too. If we can find the element first then we can hide it or use it against him. She was better at digging than me, but I learned fast and when we finished I was already as good as her.
We found the earth element. It looked like a simple rock about the size of an acorn, but other rocks swirled around it. I took it quickly before Rose could. I pressed it to my forehead, and it entered into me. there was a flash of pain, and then I could feel its magic. I could sense every bit of ground for miles. I could raise those mountains. I could destroy them.
I used the element’s magic to make a cage of stone around Rose. The cage was sealed, except small holes for breathing. I raised more and more earth around it. It will be too much for her to move on her own.
“Let me out!” she screamed, hitting the cage’s walls with all of her strength and magic.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t let you get hurt.”
I turned to The Destroyer. He was still digging, unaware that anything happened.
Where is the element guardian? He should have come already...
I raised two rocks in the shape of spikes out of the ground, and into The Destroyer. He was taken off guard and managed to avoid only one of them. The other hit him in his left back leg. He waved his wings and got to the air, and then searched for me.
When he found me he laughed. “There’s no priest to help you this time Crea, and I see your guardian isn’t here. It’s only you and me now. Do you want to give me the element, or should I come to get it from you?”
I made the two spikes fly to him. He vaporized one of them with acid, and shot a fire-ball out of his mouth at the other, making it lose its direction.
“I guess I’ll decide.” He made a dive for my head, but he could not beat me while I was empowered by the element. I threw a stone lying on the ground at him, and from the power of the impact he flew and landed on the cage.
A crack was made in the cage. Rose laughed and widened it with her magic, and then the cage broke into two. In the middle Rose stood. She had a tail and claws made of rock.
“I’m the earth guardian,” she said angrily, and then spun towards The Destroyer. “Let’s finish him off.”
She attacked him with her claws, and when he dodged she hit him with her tail. He fell to the ground as I broke one of the mountains. Rocks rolled on him, covering and trapping him. Rose and I raised a stone barrier to defend ourselves.
Once the stone stopped rolling Rose asked: “Is he dead?”
We walked slowly towards the pile of rubble covering him. The only visible part of him was his tail. It did not move.
Suddenly he jumped out of the pile with dazzling speed. I could have sworn he was made only of fire for a second.
He landed near Rose and caught her with his upper paws. She tried attacking him with her claws, but could not reach. She hit him with her tail, but then he tore it off with his.
He took to the air, taking Rose with him. “Give me the element, or I’ll kill her,” he said.
I clenched my teeth. If only he stood on the ground then I could do something, but in the air I cannot do a thing without giving him time to act.
I reached slowly to my forehead, and then I took the element out.
Once it got out I felt a stab of pain in my head, and The Destroyer seized the opportunity. He dropped Rose and took the element. As she fell he swallowed it, and the world turned dark.
I awoke to nothingness. There was no ground. No light. There was only blackness and emptiness wherever I looked.
“Rose!” I yelled, though I knew she was dead. Once an element is destroyed, its main guardian is destroyed too. The eagle, the snake, and the high priest too, who probably died stopping The Destroyer from getting the Fire Element. They’re all dead.
“And now for the fifth element,” said The Destroyer. “You must know what it is by now, Crea.”
I had a theory. “The elements are the powers who made the world,” I said standing up. “Our world was made by five powers.” Time to test my theory.
I raised my right hand. “It was made by fire,” and as I said it a small fire-ball appeared in my palm.
“It was made by water.“ Water started swirling around my left hand.
“It was made by earth.” Two long spikes made of stone formed on my forearms.
“It was made by wind.” Two angel wings grew on my back.
“And it was made by The Creator, which promised he’ll return once he is needed.” It is now or never...
“The Creator is the fifth element, and I’m him. I am The Crea-tor, and I’ve come like I promised.” The whole area was lit. We were standing on a dark brown ground, made of no material I knew. The sky was a sickly purple. The trees and plants everywhere were dead and black. The houses were all destroyed. We were in Cumbalam, yet not in Cumbalam.
“Good job figuring that out. I began thinking you’ll die before you finally understand it. Now I just need to kill you, and then The Depths will be released!”
The Destroyer was bigger than he was before. His back legs have straightened so he could stand on them. His whole skin turned into stone. He rose to his full height, well above twenty feet.
“I’m guessing I’m also the fifth element’s guardian,” I said.
“Yes. This time there’s absolutely no one to help you.”
I formed the water into a shield, and the fire into a sword.
This is for you Rose.
The Destroyer flew into the air, and I followed. He lashed at me with his tail. I blocked it with my shield, and managed to scratch it.
The ball in the tail opened, and he shot burning acid at me. My shield grew bigger and blocked the acid.
I held his tail with mine, and cut one of his wings with my fiery sword. “No!” he roared.
He began falling, but I kept holding him with my tail. I cut his other wing, and then threw him in the air.
He shot a ball of molten lava at me. I blocked it with my shield, but it vaporized. He threw another ball and it hit my tail.
It hurt too much. I dropped the tail. Then I flew at him with all my strength and speed. “You will not destroy anything else!” I yelled as my sword cut into his heart.
And then it was all over. His body dropped to the ground, and the elements flew out of it. “Go back. Create this world again,” I told them.
Though the world will be created again, everything it contained is gone. No more Cumbalam, no more Flamor, no more Rose...
I walked in the forest as the first creatures of this new world took form. Huge creatures called Dinosaurs, which will probably survive eons unless something out of this world stops them.
The Destroyer is defeated, the world is restored. My job here is done.
And so I flew away to create more worlds.

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